He Saved Me from a Shower

A couple of days ago, I went with a few guys from the office to the building next door for lunch. There’s a little catering business in there and they’ve accommodated us by setting up a cafeteria-style line four days a week. On this particular day, we took the 3-minute hike over and enjoyed a nice lunch. Just as we prepared to leave, the bottom fell out. Now, for you Southerners, I’m sure you know that means: it was raining outdoors. And not a little wimpy Spring shower, but raining cats and dogs! (Another popular expression which may or may not be limited by these here Southern borders.)

There we were, staring through the glass door, having conversations such as:

“I think the sky’s lightening up; maybe it’ll stop soon.”

“What the….It’s only supposed to be a 30% chance of rain!”

“I can’t believe I left my umbrella at my desk!”

“I can’t believe I’m gonna be sitting at my desk the rest of the afternoon, cold and wet.”

“Dang. The closest Uber is 15 minutes away.” (This from the guy from San Diego)

“Really? North Carolina has Uber?”

FYI- In case you haven’t heard of Uber, this company boasts rides that are “better, faster, and cheaper than a taxi.” 

There we stood, forlorn, as the rain continued to pelt the pavement before us.

Apparently, the guy at the security desk took pity on us. He handed us a brand new umbrella, saying, “Here you go. Just bring it back the next time you come in.”

Simple. Straight-forward. Saving me, and my buddies, from a mid-day shower. (And one that was none too warm.) On the way back, San Diego said, “That would never happen in California. People here are so nice.” It made me feel good that one of my North Carolinians had represented our Southern hospitality so well. By now we were heading out the door, the sky really was lightening up a bit, and the security guard had returned to his desk.

Have you ever just wanted to turn around and hug somebody? In that moment, I felt just like that. And while I didn’t hug him, I thought, what can I do to brighten up this security guard’s day? The answer came as I was preparing to return the umbrella the following day. I stopped by the store, bought some fresh chocolate chip cookies, enough for him and his coworkers. It was a small price to pay to be saved from a rain shower.

The smile on his face was all it took to know I’d made his day. It warmed my heart.

My favorite Leo Buscaglia quote sums it up best: "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."

You have the power to turn a life around. Every day your choices can make or break another person’s day. A simple choice to extend a smile, a helping hand, or a prayer, might just make someone’s day and save them from a cold rain shower or something more. 

And somehow, I believe, when you do that, you’ll make God smile.

Jean

#31DaysOfKindess It's On!

It all started when my friend World Champ Ryan Avery presented a challenge. For those of you who know me personally, you know, when there's a challenge like this, I just can't resist. And resist, I could not. 

Ryan said (or, if he'd been raised here in North Carolina, he would have said) "Hey, y'all, come join me in this #31DaysOfKindess challenge!" Actually, what he did was spur us on not only to rise up to the challenge, but to share what we were doing on social media using the hashtag #31DaysOfKindness. Obviously, this does two things: 1) It keeps us accountable and on task, 2) It keeps us connected with others participating in the challenge. Honestly, I have dearly loved searching on #31DaysOfKindness and finding out what others are doing. (As you can see, just from this Twitter feed, I'm lovin' it.)

It's been amazing what is happening in my own life. It's certainly proving the wise old words of the Bible true: It's more blessed to give than to receive. On Ryan's page, when he wrote 'Let's make a difference in the lives of thousands...' I wonder if he realized those 'thousands' he spoke of included us, the ones he challenged. 

For instance, on Day 1 we hand wrote  thank you letters. I couldn't tell you, prior to this, how long it has been since I wrote a handwritten letter. Before the days of email, I would write at least a letter (or more) a week. That just fell by the wayside once sending an email or text message became the norm. We share and receive information in real time or within seconds. Why even bother writing a letter where the recipient won't get it for a day or two? Here's the beauty of it. Keep sending the emails and texts, but when it comes to expressing something heartfelt, like gratitude, honor that person by sending a handwritten letter. It will make a difference. The cool thing is, the day after the challenge, a woman whom I greatly admire bought my lunch and shared some valuable business tips. You guessed it. I sent another handwritten thank you letter. 

I'd say this challenge is not going to last just 31 days. The joy we're bringing to others, whether buying a coffee, sharing an article, offering an apology, these are the things that are making a difference. And there's just no stopping the kindness in the human heart once it gets fired up. 

If you're a part of the challenge, watch out. After 31 days I have a feeling you'll see life, and the people in it, a little differently, and you'll be seeking out ways to be kind. 

If you're not part of the challenge, it's never too late to step in and be kind. 

For a look at what happened on the Day 8: Give a book to a friend challenge, take a look at the video I posted on my Facebook page. (And while you're there, friend me.) 

Let's do what we members of the human race do best, be kind. Anything less is not enough. 

Rock on, 

Jean 

As a motivational humorous speaker, Jean Bailey Robor is available for corporate, civic and faith-based events. Book her here. 

What Every Man Should Know

Recently, I was completely blown away by the revelations of a man who had been married, is now divorced, and offered advice that's suitable to men who desire to have a healthy and happy marital relationship. It was re-posted on Facebook and some responses from women were: "I melted when I read your post!" and "I hope this saves marriages." And a man responded: "Words to learn and live by." So, of course, I have to share this with you. Read on...

MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about going through divorce that gives you perspective of things you wish you would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had…

1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love.

5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7) NEVER BLAME your wife If you get frustrated or angry, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8) Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel loved.

11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered.)

15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fear and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, and part of that courage is allowing her to love your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is for a relationship that isn’t focused on growing. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. Forgiveness is freedom. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.

But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.

Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

You can find the original post here.

Whether you agree with every point shared, I hope you find some truth that will make your current or future relationship happier, healthier and stronger. After all, life is short. Live it well. Celebrate life!

To your relationship success,

Jean

What a Difference a Day Makes!

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Today, March 2, 2009, I woke up to a glorious site: our neighborhood had been blanketed in 5 inches of snow. Living in the piedmont region of North Carolina, I don't have the privilege of enjoying sites like this every day, every month, or even every year. I can't tell you how many times I've felt a measure of disappointment when snow has been predicted and we've gotten only rain instead. Although I knew it was supposed to be this way (I had heard the weather reports and I had even seen the snow falling before going to bed last night), it was magical.

As I walked out into it, breathing in the crisp clean air and laughing as my dog gingerly stepped from the porch into a snowbank, my heart filled with the same joy and wonderment I'd felt as a child. Of course then my joy was two-fold: 1)Yippee, it snowed! 2) Yippee, no school!

My dog, Maxie, is a bit of a mutt. My mother refuses to think of her that way as she feels 'mutt' is a derogatory term; instead she calls her a 'designer dog'. (See a picture of Maxie on my website: www.jeanbaileyrobor.com). Whatever Maxie is, we do know that she has some terrier and Cocker Spaniel in her. But the best part of all is that she's so loveable! My daughter bought Maxie a coat, complete with a hood, with fur around the edges.

When the snow began falling, we realized the dog was more prepared for it than we were. None of us in the house had boots….we had not needed them in years; and I can't remember the last time I'd worn a heavy coat with a hood. Despite that, nothing could keep me from donning my heaviest jacket, strapping on my tennis shoes and walking through that myriad of beautiful glorious snowflakes.

What makes a positive difference in your day? Or rather, what do you allow to make a positive difference in your day? The snow outside gave me an opportunity to be glad or to be sad. I could have commiserated about the cold temperatures, the difficulty in driving, etc. Instead, I chose to be glad, to enjoy it, to admire the crystalline scenery.

As I sit at my desk, preparing for work, I'm grateful for these moments when my world is transformed into a wonderland and my heart is lifted in joy. By living 'in the moment', I've found pleasure and peace in something as simple as a change in the weather. While my joy may no longer be two-fold, I still feel that 'Yippee, it snowed!' excitement each time I look out the window.

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

I think I'll make a snow angel when I get home.

Jean

Out-of-Nowhere Blessings

Blessings come in all shapes and sizes and ways. And some of the best blessings are the unexpected ones, the ones that come out of nowhere.

Today I was unexpectedly blessed. I happened to be walking to a local Subway for lunch and passed an older gentleman on the street. His expression indicated he recognized me. I quickly scanned my memory but could not place him. Just as I was about to pass, he asked me if I attended a certain church in the area, which I do. As some churchgoers do, I regularly sit in the same section Sunday after Sunday. He does the same, just a few rows behind me.

On this day, he became a blessing to me. We chatted as we both walked to Subway, through the line, and—although I protested—he picked up the tab. I had planned to take my meal back to the office but somehow I found myself asking if he'd like to lunch with me. His face brightened up and we chose a nearby table.

Throughout the course of lunch, we talked about church, families, and blessings. He indicated how he had lived most of his life on a self-destructive course, but had now changed direction and found peace. He told of how some family relationships had been healed, of how he could now be a blessing to others.

As we went our separate ways, he mentioned how much he had enjoyed our impromptu lunch and that I had been a blessing to him.

Today, this gentleman was an unexpected blessing to me. His act of kindness reminded me, that I too, can be an unexpected, out-of-nowhere blessing to others.

And so can you!

Be blessed!
Jean